


Window

by TeamParkGae



Series: In Tongues [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: I don’t know how to tag this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 09:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15507609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamParkGae/pseuds/TeamParkGae
Summary: Part 2 of the series.The bleached converse sunk in to the wet sand a little as he trudged towards the water. The footprints he left behind were a poetic reminder of the situation. He was here now, just like those footprints, but soon the sand would even itself out and the water would wash away the last traces of him from this place.





	Window

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 5am cos I couldn’t sleep. I’m pretty sure it’s filled with mistakes. Pls excuse.

The sea washed gently against the sand. The waves brushing in and out in long slow strokes. Reds and oranges painted the beach in vivid water colour, a few dark clouds dotted the dusty blue sky. The last rememnants of rainy season. Donghyuk sighed heavily, the sound crashing out and drowning in the whispers of the tide. The concrete wall of the promenade felt cold and slightly damp against his worn jeans. His bleached converse swinging back and forth idly in the air. The rucksack sat next to him on the wall, covered in dirt and dust and few small twigs. He’d come a long way. He’d expected to go a lot further but his feet had drawn him to the sea. The beach. The same one he and his parents visited so long ago. Before it all changed. Donghyuk couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was but something had shifted in his life, in his head. He half heartedly considered charging his phone, the phone that had eventually gone dead after days of missed calls and ignored text messages. He knew his family were worried, his friends too but he didn’t have the energy nor the will to act on the niggling feeling in his chest telling him he should let someone know he was safe. He knew they cared about him deep down but insecurities had burrowed under his skin a number of years ago and made a home in the cavity of his chest. What was the point in telling them he was safe when he knew what he was about to do. It had been his plan from the start. He’d come to the beach and he’d stay there. Forever. The only person who would know what happened would be him and the secret would be washed away with the cold currents of the ocean stretching out before him. Once the sun rose a little more people would start to come out of their homes and go about their days. Someone would see him if he left it much longer. He didn’t have time to waste but the hush of the shore, the blissful loneliness of the scene was enchanting. It held him captive in the best way. Like he was alone facing the end of the world. He was alone. He was facing the end of his world. He sighed a final time and hoped off the wall, brushing his palms together to rid them of the grit and sand that clung to his skin. He pulled his back pack down of the ledge and yanked it open. The sound of the zipper practically echoed back at him from the void. The red haired boy searched out a few heavy rocks from along the edge of the promenade and packed them into the black canvas bag, zipping it tightly and slinging it on to his shoulders. The weight was a little unexpected, nearly pulling him over as the sharp corners of stone dug into his back. He never took his eyes off the horizon. The sea had crawled a little closer now. It seemed as eager to meet him as he was. The sun held no heat but cast a brilliant glow over the water, it was so calm. So perfect. 

The bleached converse sunk in to the wet sand a little as he trudged towards the water. The footprints he left behind were a poetic reminder of the situation. He was here now, just like those footprints, but soon the sand would even itself out and the water would wash away the last traces of him from this place. A place that had once meant happiness but now only meant melancholy. It was strange how the sea appeared to be getting further and further away. He pressed on anyway knowing it wouldn’t be long. Donghyuk’s mind barely regestired the noise around him now, the water had crept closer while he’d been daydreaming and now it filled his shoes and soaked his ankles. The icyness prickled his skin and soaked into the heavy fabric of his jeans. He carried on walking. The dark grey washed up to his knees now, making him shiver a little. The cold would help. It would numb him in a way that would match how he felt inside. 

Tightness wrapped around his right wrist startling him. He jerked his arm away from the feeling and turned in confusion. His eyes met with another persons. His breath stilled in his lungs and the water around his thighs seemed to do the same. 

“What are you doing?” The person asked, his face was a mix  
of so many emotions that it became impossible to read. 

“I’m-“ how did he answer this? “I need to do this?” 

“Why?” The voice choked out, tears spilling down the others cheeks. 

“Mark I can’t explain it. I just have to.” Donghyuk tried to explain to his hyung. He didn’t expect him to understand. He didn’t want him to. This wasn’t his. 

“You can’t do this. You can’t leave me. You can’t leave us. We need you.” Mark sobbed tugging slightly at the youngest wrist. Urging him to step out of the water. 

“No. You’ll be fine. You’ll all be fine. It’ll go, you’ll forget and everything will be fine. It’s not permanent. I’m not permanent” the red head tugged back a little as he talked. So sure in his words that he couldn’t see why the older was still holding on to him so tight. 

“God. Where did we lose you? How could we not notice?” The boy asked himself incredulously. “Listen to me, Hyuk. This has been the worst week of my life. I thought I’d lost you. I didn’t know what to do. I stayed in your bed for 3 nights because I couldn’t bare the thought of losing my best friend. I had so many questions i needed you to answer. I don’t care about that anymore. I just need you. I figured if you were going to run anywhere it would be here but I never thought you’d do this. I love you, you’re my little brother. I know you don’t believe me, I can see it in your eyes but I’m gonna make you believe. I can help, I can be strong for us. Please don’t do this. Please don’t leave me.” He sobbed openly now, hiccuping his way through the words and emotions. Desperate for the younger to understand. Donghyuk shook his head. 

“If you cared about me then you’d understand why I have to do this.” The red head said firmly, he tugged sharply and pulled his arm from the older’s grip, turning and wading further into the waves. A gurteral sob ripped from Mark’s lungs and he stumbled forward reaching out for the other. His tears blinding him and he splashed forward to stop Donghyuk. 

“No no no no. No please. You can’t. Don’t do this. I need you. Please don’t Hyuk, please” he screamed, wrapping his arms around the smaller frame. “Don’t leave me. Don’t. I- I know I’m being selfish but I don’t care you can’t leave me. I won’t let you. If you want to do this then I’m doing it with you. I’m not letting my baby brother drown alone.” He sobbed burying his face in the the back of Donghyuk’s neck. The younger shook his head more violently this time and turned to face the other. The cold water swished around his waist, tremors taking over his whole body. 

“No! You don’t get it.” He screamed back. His own tears now ripping down soft cheeks. “I want this. I need it. If you cared about me you’d let me. But you don’t, no one does. Not really.” He heaved for breath and tried to pull away. Mark wouldn’t let him. 

“I do care. We all care. We care about you so much. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I don’t want you to go. You’re a part of me. I’m not me without you. I can’t live my life with an empty space. I can’t walk down our street and know there’s an empty bedroom, an empty chair at the table. I can’t live with that. I won’t. I don’t want you to go but if I can’t stop you then I’m not letting you go alone.” The older sobbed, shaking the redhead by the shoulders to get his point across. Domghyuk was frozen in place his mind trying to catch up wit its self and failing. 

The next few moments happened without any thought. Mark tugged at the straps of the back pack and pulled it from his shoulders, swinging it round and hanging it off his own. He brushed the younger’s fringe from his face with a wet salty hand and leant his forehead against the one infront of him. Their breathing synced and the world seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. He held tightly onto both of Donghyuks hands as he walked slowly backward and guided the boy from the water. The walk up the sand was silent. The fingers of their hands still locked together tightly. Mark wasn’t letting go anytime soon. They walked to the bus stop and sat on the bench. Their clothes dripped puddles of salty water into the pavement bellow them. Mark pulled the younger’s head to his shoulder and kissed his temple. The bus ride was also deafeningly quiet. Mark didn’t know what to say. Donghyuk could barely think. It was all too much. 

Coming home was the hardest part. The way his mother sobbed into his grubby shirt as she held him. The way his father wouldn’t let go of Mark for a second. Too grateful to find the proper words. The Canadian boy wouldn’t let him alone for a second, he sat on the toilet seat while Donghyuk showered. He sat quietly at the end of his bed while Donghyuk dug our fresh pyjamas and slipped them on and he pressed himself tight against Donghyuk’s back once the lights were out, stroking soothing patterns into his pale skin. It was a strange sense of comfort and relief being home and the younger quickly slipped away from reality. Everything was so far from right it didn’t seem possible to get back to it. Everything felt scattered and lost. Broken and far beyond repair but still Donghyuk slept. Mark didn’t.


End file.
